During treatment—and especially since kicking cancer’s ass—my husband and I would be approached by many wonderful souls—some friends, some readers—wishing to express their amazement.
I am always humbled by their genuine kindness, which is why I feel compelled to talk about the giant elephant in the room. I suspect it is not uncommon, but many do not realize it exists. Either way, it is critical to address.
The other night over dinner, he and I had an emotional conversation about the anxiety we both live with day to day, but that none of our friends or acquaintances would assume.
In the morning when he wakes, he reaches for me. I can feel the relief in his embrace that I am still there beside him.
At times, I myself rise with somewhat of a pit, dreading the prospect that cancer will return.
On these mornings, I need to work harder to remain confident and uplifted. I remind myself it is ok to feel scared, but that life calls for my undivided attention—attention I cannot possibly give whilst looking over my shoulder in fear.
I transition into a cathartic state and reset. I pray for courage, and I am overcome by an enormous sense of gratitude.
I am still here.
I chant a healing mantra, do some morning stretches, and climb out of my bed and into the bustling world. Blood flowing freely throughout my body, I am reminded of the exciting things that lie ahead.
I rely on yoga, acupuncture, and special gifts from friends, like stones and books, to help restore my faith. I read a few passages from “Unshakeable” and place healing amethyst crystals around my neck.
Before heading out the door, I adjust a malachite bracelet tightly around my wrist, dab myself with essential oils, and wear a hamsa for protection. I am now ready to face those I wish to inspire, who inspire me.
My worries lessen as time moves forward and I become stronger in the belief I will remain well and more aware of this incredible energy moving rigorously within me. Life.
My fight against fear will be victorious. I am alive in every way. And there is nothing more important in this moment.